Indy 500 driver intros...by animal

As we’ve come to expect in the NTT IndyCar Series, silliness inside the paddock often stems from the thoughts and words of Conor Daly. A few months ago, the Ed Carpenter Racing driver wondered aloud -- and on social media -- whether he could ride an American bison onto the Indy 500 driver introduction stage, and from there, hilarity ensued.

Despite the potential of Indiana-born Daly achieving maximum American-ness with the accompaniment of the 2000-pound beast before racing his No. 47 Chevy sponsored by the U.S. Air Force, NASCAR legend Dale Earnhardt Jr. answered on Twitter, recommending against any attempts to wrangle and ride a bison minutes before Sunday’s race.

After that, rabid IndyCar fans started sending in submissions for my podcast guests each week, asking the fantasy question of which animal they would bring onto the Indy 500 intro stage for the NBC cameras to capture and the 135,000 fans in attendance to see.

Once again, the silliness that lives inside many of IndyCar’s best and most popular drivers emerged when the question was posed, and for others, deeper looks inside their personalities and thought processes were returned.

Altogether, nearly half the field, plus a seven-time NASCAR champion who just might partake in the 2022 race, weighed in with their animal and rationales.

As we near the end of serious stories and reports ahead of the 105th Indy 500, here’s a comedic palate cleanser leading into the race with the biggest assortment of jokers in motor racing.

CONOR DALY: Yeah, I still haven't come up with anything else yet.

Marshall Pruett: C’mon, man, you started this whole thing off. The bison’s a scratch. You must have a suitable replacement in mind? Something tough and USA?

CD: Sadly, there have been no other majestic creatures offered up yet.

MP: Is there a state animal of Indiana you could use?

CD: I believe it is a bird. I believe it is the cardinal.

MP: Well, that doesn't make me super stoked for you. Unless you strapped big razor blades to its wings and it chopped up everything it came in contact with.

CD: Maybe we do that.

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RYAN HUNTER-REAY: That's a weird question. Geez.

MP: Right?

RHR: Yeah. That is a weird question. I'll go with a male lion with a huge mane, just dragging on the ground as he’s walking.

MP: Holy ****. Would you have a fake mane of your own going on, to match?

RHR: Yeah, I'd do something to match that. And have a big collar on it, like those guys...the magicians? In Vegas?

MP: Siegfried and Roy.

RHR: Something like that. But yeah, I think that would be my animal.

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JACK HARVEY: I would honestly channel my most inner Brit for something like that. I would want to ride in on a lion with the Queen's crown on the lion.

MP: Not on you, on the lion?

JH: So, on a lot of our lions, they have crowns; I think that'd be pretty cool. Imagine that, riding in with a flag draped over the lion, over me, crowns. Sometimes you’ve gotta go full-Brit, mate.

MP: What about you? What are you wearing? Because clearly you've dressed up the lion; you can't just come in normal. Do you have some sort of staff? What do you have? Because we’ve got to go more Brit here. Eating a giant bowl of curry would be a very British thing.

JH: Super quick side note: Did you know that chicken tikka masala was actually invented in Scotland?

MP: The things we learn… (laughter)

JH: I'm thinking like a James Bond 007 suit, and maybe an English roast dinner in one hand.

MP: Full English breakfast in the other?

JH: Yeah, bacon sandwich for sure. Throw an egg on there. Why not?

MP: Are you tossing eggs to the crowd by any chance? Are you sharing your culture?

JH: I mean, just flick beans at people, mate. Just walk with a plate of beans.

MP & JH: (uncontrolled laughter)

JH: Beans are way less dense in the UK, so it’ll probably work quite well. People will be like, ‘Oh, what’s that?’ Just got flicked by a bean.’

MP: Good old ‘Beans Harvey,’ coming to the Indy 500.

JH: Let's not let that stick. That's not a good one. So bad.

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JAMES HINCHCLIFFE: Well, I mean, bison probably would have been my first my first choice but as Mr. Daly has already taken it, and deservedly so, I'm going to ride a moose for very obvious reasons. Wow.

MP: Now, do you decorate the moose? I mean, Jack Harvey was just telling me how he wanted to ride a lion. But yet, with Queen Elizabeth’s crown…not for himself, but on the lion. Do you festoon your moose with anything deeply Canadian or what are we doing here? I don't see you on a plain moose.

JH: Well, hang on a minute. First of all, I'm very disappointed in Jack as a Brit, and to royalists, that he would insult both the Queen by taking her crown, and thinking the king of the damn jungle would want to wear one. Likewise, the moose is a noble, proud Canadian icon. I don't know how you more Canadian-ize a moose, short of putting it in a flannel shirt which, quite frankly, would just make it too hot. And so no, I think you ride it as-is because it doesn't get more Canadian than Hinch riding in on the back of a moose.

MP: I’m thinking one of those little construction worker caps that hold the beers with the Molsons in it and the straws that come down so the moose could be drinking Canadian beer.

JH: I may be holding a pint of maple syrup that I will be drinking.

MP: I think you took a pretty big one off the table here for any other Canadian drivers.

JH: Not to worry. The beaver is still available.

MP: Bears are another thing. The oft-feared bear attack at Mosport.

JH: I think you could come in and have a flock of Canadian geese in a flying V and just terrify everybody else on the grid.

MP: Make sure that you overfeed them the night before.

JH: Incoming!

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JIMMIE JOHNSON: Man, I'm riding in on a jackass. Yes. With a sombrero on the donkey and possibly myself. And actually, I don't know if you call it winning, but I've won a donkey at an auction for Petty's Victory Junction Gang camp, and there's two donkeys named Chips and Salsa. And on the donkey where the saddle would be on one side literally was like a little area for chips and then the other side for salsa. So I think I would have some kind of theme and this to mind quickly. That's of course before my wife hears about my idea and then edits it.

MP: Yeah, we're we'll try and hold off on telling her about that donkey. Oh, man, no one's gonna pick that.

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WILL POWER: I mean, first thing that came to mind was a kangaroo just because of Australia, but I think riding a camel up onto the stage would be different. There’s a lot of camels in the middle of Australia. Why not a camel?

MP: Jimmie Johnson said he'd ride a donkey. So, you know, I guess there's nothing wrong with a camel.

WP: Or an emu. You can ride them. They’re fast, man. Gotta hold onto their necks pretty good. You can't choke him out, either. So it's just a perfect balance.

MP: How do you know these things, Will Power?

WP: Well look, you can ride emus. You can. There's actually competitions. Nuts, man. Nuts. It would actually be pretty fun, honestly. You can get up on those birds.

MP: Never change, Will Power. We love you exactly as you are.

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ALEXANDER ROSSI: Interesting. Could it be aquatic?

MP: It could be whatever you want.

AR: I'd just ride a dolphin in the driver intro. I think that'd be pretty sick.

MP: Let's get a wave pool going and you riding a dolphin in.

AR: That would be pretty cool, wouldn't it.

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PATO O’WARD: I want something that represents what we're going for this year, like full attack mode. Maybe, like something that's ******g fast. Like, you're scared to see it in your rearview mirror.

Maybe like a cheetah. Yeah, a cheetah. She's a quick one and I don't think anybody wants to be near it whenever it's ready to attack.

MP: I like that.

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SCOTT DIXON: I don't think you'd want to do it on a Kiwi bird.

MP: No, that'd hurt if you tried to ride a Kiwi. And you'd kill it.

SD: That would be bad. So, I don't know. You want to be king of the jungle, right? So it's got to be a lion, man.

MP: Wow. But you're not the first...

SD: Yeah, yeah, but you got to look big and bad, right?

MP: Right.

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SIMON PAGENAUD: I've already done it. It was bringing Norman to Victory Lane. So I'll do it again.

MP: So you're sticking with Norman, not like a giant version of Norman the dog or something like that?

SP: No, no. My little puppy is my best friend.

MP: All right.

SP: He deserves to be with me.

ALEX PALOU: I think I would bring in an alpaca. I love alpacas. I have never seen an alpaca, but I think they are cute. It's a cute animal. I think it looks cool. And I think just by the way an alpaca is, I’d look really cool on the driver intros. What do you think? You like it?

MP: I mean, I would have never guessed an alpaca. Ever. No, no. Everyone else chooses lions or whatever, and it's a little predictable. Alpaca? That's amazing.

AP: Of course. Everybody would be like, ‘Oh, wow, look at that alpaca, looks amazing.’ And then inside, it would be like a gorilla, like super angry, going to the war.

MP: Would you do anything to the alpaca? I don't know if it's representing Spain. We know you love Japan. I saw the little video you did of your (samurai) helmet livery; would it be a samurai alpaca?

AP: I could do something like that. That would be really cool.

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STEFAN WILSON: I'm going to say I'd be riding a jaguar and maybe it's got like a drape of a British flag on it you know, it's like got a cape of a British flag. That's my answer. That's and that's probably not going to beat Jack [Harvey’s].

MP: So would you dye the jag’s coat purple? Paying tribute to the Silk Cut Jaguar Le Mans-winning sports car program? I think you might out-Harvey the old ‘bean flicker.’

SW: I don't even know why he's got a lion anyway, what's that? I guess three lions on a shirt. You know, he's a big football fan. But, you know, Jaguar is a classic British car. So it’s got to be a jaguar, you know?

MP: And no bean involvement in your plan.

SW: Yeah, that's a bizarre one.

MP: I'm not British, but if I'm the impartial American judge, I think you just kicked Jack’s ass with that.

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COLTON HERTA: I would fly in on a pterodactyl, for sure. I would be on top of the pagoda. And I'd be on the pterodactyl’s perch, and we’d swoop down right onto the stage. And I'll swoop down on the pterodactyl and it won't even stop flying. I'll just jump off that and then it’ll go straight up and just perch itself right in front of the start-finish line. So straight from the pagoda, swoop down, jump off, land on my spot, and then the pterodactyl just takes off.

MP: Do you train your pterodactyl to grab Dixie and VeeKay? I mean, the front row’s all yours?

CH: Yeah, I'm sure the thing’s got talons. I could probably mess up some people but no, I think it's more just for commercial use.

MP: Colton Herta’s Jurassic Park, coming to Valencia, California.

PIETRO FITTIPALDI: A black panther. I think they're in the Amazon. Could you imagine that? Like, it's not as big as a bison, but it's super sleek and fast.

MP: Would you dress it up in any way?

PF: No, I’d just leave it in its natural colors. And then I'd be like, with my suit down without like a shirt and I’d put this tribal tattoo on my body.

MP: Permanent, or just like henna for the day?

PF: Definitely permanent. If I'm riding a panther, I'm definitely tattooing myself and I'm gonna stay with that panther. I think there's a meaning to the tattoo.

MP: You're the first driver to add the tattoo. I knew, Pietro, you were gonna deliver for us.

PF: What would you go with? Let's say you're racing, Marshall, or you're engineering. Whatever your choice is. What would be the animal?

MP: I mean, I don't know if I could ride anything because I'd kill it because I'm so fat. I'd flatten those animals.

PF: You want an aggressive creature, or like a pretty calm one? Do you want something intimidating?

MP: Since we're going fantasy. King Kong? King Kong. Yes. Think of that. Right? Because he seems cool. I've watched the last couple movies. And again, I know he's not real, but as I learned in the last movie, he knows sign language. Yeah, so we could talk; we'd probably be talking smack about a lot of people. But imagine that.

PF: You'd be like almost like his little baby. You'd be taken care of. You'd be sitting on his shoulder.

MP: Totally, and the guy would be leaning up against the pagoda just to chill.

PF: You'd be a race engineer with your headset sitting on King Kong. See?

MP: And I'd be the spotter, too, because I'd have the best view.

PF: I didn't even think of that. I probably would have gone for King Kong, too.

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MP: You could go for Godzilla. Yeah. Wow. We've solved most of the world's problems, my friend.

JOSEF NEWGARDEN: For me, I would want something with high performance. You know, something that's gonna lead the pack. So I'd choose a saber-toothed tiger. That's what I would do.

MP: So you’d bring an extinct animal to life. And that would be your choice.

JN: Yeah. I mean, I've not been presented with any rules.

MP: That's pretty awesome. Now, would you ride the saber-toothed tiger? And would there be any concerns? You might actually be eaten before the race.

JN: Well, you got to befriend the saber-tooth, you know. I think they're very conscious about their teeth. They're super cool, so just trying to reinforce that friendship.

MP: So would you become friends by like brushing its teeth? Would that be the bonding thing?

JN: Yeah, you know, just getting him over that nervousness; they're awkward with their super awesome, lethal teeth? And you're like, ‘No, you're really awesome. And people fear you and like, I want to be friends.’ And so then you become friends. And he lets you ride him, or her, or whatever. Maybe it's a female saber-toothed tiger, see? And yeah, you get to go into the race and basically scare everybody.

MP: How do you think your teammates would react? And what animals do you think your teammates would choose? Because you and I know, between Power and Pagenaud, specifically, we're going to have some serious concerns.

JF: I feel like feel like Will would be brought into the track in a kangaroo pouch. That's what you need. And then I just envision Simon on something. I want to come up with just an absurd animal for Simon. Like he comes in like on something that doesn't even make sense. Like it's a walrus or something. I don't even know what Scott would be on. Scott would be on something cool. He would be on a horse. Just something that makes sense. I need to put some thought into that. I'm definitely confident on Will’s answer, though. I think he needs to be brought in inside a nice little kangaroo pouch.

MP: I think you've nailed that one.

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JR HILDEBRAND: The obvious answer is just go with a **********ing eagle.

MP: Do you call it to fly down from atop the pit suites in Turn 4?

JH: Yeah exactly, it flies down from behind you. How sick would that be if you get it to come down from up there, it lands, and no flinch when it lands on your arm, like out of nowhere. That would definitely be glorious. Otherwise, I would go for whatever was on top of the food chain. I want the animal that's just going to go ham on everybody else's ****, so whatever kills a bison. Do I go with a lion?

MP: A lot of lions being chosen. I'm a little disappointed in you. There's a certain animal on our California state flag.

JH: **** yeah. I’d totally go with a grizzly bear. Just ******* go full blast if you're going with a bear.

MP: You’ve got to think a grizzly’s gonna jack up almost everything.

JH: Yeah, I'm with you on that. I think nothing messes with a grizzly bear.

MP: Are you going with both? No one's gone with two animals. Are you going with…

JH: The eagle and the grizzly. Yep.

MP: Holy ****.

JH: I would love anybody to challenge that combo.

MP: So if your eagle is out the end of the suites by Turn 4, every time you come in for a pit stop, does it fly down and land on a perch to stand there over you and your car? Like, AJ has a whistle he uses to call the eagle and fly over you on the way into the pit box? And do you also train it to attack crew members on the teams around you?

JH: I feel like that's confidential. There's training going on right now. I'm not giving away all my secrets Marshall.

MP: My only fear is if you have a bad race, like, is AJ gonna invite you over for dinner, get like a nice bottle of Foyt Vinyard wine, and then, five bites in, tell you, ‘By the way, son, you're eating bear steak.’ You know what I mean? That's the only thing that I'm a little worried about.

JH: I'm not worried about that.

MP: Bear and an eagle. I mean, you've just worn out Daly with whatever he thought was going to be the most American thing ever with a bison. He's done. He's tapping out. Boy, well, that's far better than I could have ever hoped for.

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