Susie Wheldon, 10 years on

“The boys and I are doing well, and they're thriving, they're happy. But it has been a long road.”

Susie Wheldon is finding her way. In the 10 years that have passed since her husband Dan was taken at the 2011 IndyCar season finale in Las Vegas, she’s adapted to life as a single mother with young sons on the same career path as their father.

Wheldon can be found in a new role these days, having transitioned from being the spouse of a racer to the parent of racers. She gives and guides, sacrificing for Sebastian, 12, and Oliver, 10. She can be found most weekends sitting trackside, watching her kids compete in kart races somewhere across the country. Like their dad, the new generation of Wheldons have a knack for winning.

Both Wheldon sons have shown great promise in karting. Image courtesy of Andretti Autosport

Susie was never anything as simple as Dan Wheldon’s wife; she was his partner, a businesswoman, half of an IndyCar power couple. Today, she lives with great focus and purpose. It’s a legacy from their relationship, one of the commonalities that drew the two together.

That focus and purpose have also given Wheldon a framework to move forward.

“And there's been many struggles,” she says as the sound of kart engines sing in the background. “As a young mom, and mom of two small babies; at the time, Sebastian was two and a half, Oliver was seven months old, and that in itself was tough as a young mother trying to figure all that out. And then losing Dan added to just how difficult everything was.

“But I've really leaned on a lot of amazing people, and a lot of those people are in the racing community. Just the amount of support that I felt from them during those weeks and months and years after were crucial. I'm so grateful to have had that support; I know not everybody does, and obviously, the support of my family and Dan’s family, who I'm still very close with.

“But it hasn't been easy. I always want for people to be able to remember Dan, and certainly, I love that he's still remembered and celebrated. But the boys and I are what remains from that. It hasn't been easy, but we're doing it.”

As her sons have gone from infancy to nearing their teenage years, Wheldon has also grown and changed over the last decade. In dutiful ways, she’s become a different person since that fateful day in Las Vegas.

“When you have an unexpected loss, you do go through a period where you don't even know what you're going to do or how you're going to get through the next day,” she says. “The biggest motivation was obviously my kids. Were there days that I didn't want to get up? Yeah, but I did.

“What you do learn is it changes somebody forever; I'm not the same person you knew 10 years ago. You evolve over time, and I think what it's taught me the most is to trust myself. Not having somebody that you can you partner with on life and the boys, and to held decide what's the best decisions for them. Everything now falls on my shoulders. I do have a strong support system that I can talk to and lean on, but everything is up to me, and that can be very overwhelming at times.

“I certainly don't know all the answers, but looking back, I know how much Dan trusted me. He trusted me so much and I have to really believe that in myself. I've learned to trust myself more as the years go by. You just have to live and let things happen.”

Susie Wheldon with Dan and sons Oliver (left) and Sebastian after Dan's 2011 Indy 500 win. Phillip Abbott/Motorsport Images

Wheldon’s existence is built around nourishing others. Selfishness is not within her nature, but with all the pressures of life to bear, she knows placing a greater emphasis on self-care must become a priority. Consider it a work in progress.

“I really thrive in that role of taking the backseat, arranging the details, making sure everything's great for somebody, and that really is the truth,” she acknowledges. “Dan and I lived a really fast-paced life, and when he was racing, I was keeping all of those balls in the air, juggling, and going from place to place. We literally had a minute-by-minute schedule. Every single race was where every minute was accounted for. It worked for us because I understood that role and what that really meant when we were married. I really enjoyed that and giving to others in that way.

“And then now, are there times when it's like, yeah, do I want some time for myself? Or am I tired? I definitely have those moments, and I'm learning how to not feel guilty. There's obviously the mom guilt that you feel when you when you're away from your kids and you need that break so bad. So it's finding that balance, just finding time for myself to connect with friends. I enjoy running, and working out, and things like that. So that really fills me up and keeps me going.

“But right now, I'm in a season in my life where my kids do demand most of my time. I’m focused on them and what they're doing and I'm OK with that. It gives me a lot of joy to see them on the track and to see them progressing and developing as drivers and just as little humans. It is a big sacrifice, everything that I'm doing, and also sacrifice on their part as well. But that's the season that I'm in right now.”

Wheldon has maintained an efficient life over the last 10 years. Making smart and miserly decisions with finances and protecting their savings has allowed her to give something close to 100 percent of her time to the boys. Everything she has instilled and nurtured within Sebastian and Oliver is evident; to an old family friend like Dario Franchitti, the best parts of Susie and Dan are represented.

“I can look at them, Sebastian and Oliver, and see so much of Dan, but they aren’t just his boys; I see so much of Susie in them, too,” he says. “It’s like they’re perfect little portions of them. And then I think about how it was 10 years ago with Dan, because they are much older. They're almost teenagers now.”

One might wonder how Wheldon, after losing her husband in a senseless motor racing crash, is able to watch and encourage her sons to follow their father’s legacy in the sport. There’s not one, but many answers to the question.

“I feel so at home at the track,” she opens. “And with them racing, it’s not to say there aren’t stressful moments. I think about things…it's natural, as a mother, as somebody that's been in the sport a long time and seen a lot of things. But it’s important for me to be able to just watch them and know that they're pursuing a passion of theirs. Dan would be so proud of them.

“That was a big dream of his, as any father would want to see their sons carry on a legacy that they've created. I just try to live in the moment as much as I can and not get too overwhelmed, because the path is overwhelming at times, to think about what lies ahead and what's at stake as they go farther and farther. I'm at a place where I’m somewhat at peace.”

Susie Wheldon speaks at the dedication of "Dan Wheldon Way" in St. Petersburg, Florida. Phillip Abbott/Motorsport Images

There are elements of truth in the old adage about time healing all wounds, but there’s no wisdom to offer on how much time someone like Wheldon will need to reconcile most of what took place back in 2011. It’s certainly more than 10 years.

“I definitely have my my days and my moments; I've definitely gone through a lot of horror, I've done a lot of work around dealing with grief and trauma,” she continues. “Because not everybody experiences the same thing. When you have a loss, you have your grieving, but there's not always trauma attached to that. And so having those two things to work through at the same time, in this same realm of space, it was very traumatic.

“And being there at the race and seeing that and all of that, regardless of how foggy things were early on, and, and the struggle it was, I knew for sure I needed to do the work and get through the process of grieving. And to do what I could while the boys were still young, to not expose them to that as much. I realized I needed to do that even in the chaos and just craziness of everything that was happening at the time. I want to be as healthy and as at peace as I can for rest of the years that I'm with them. That was really important to me.”

Wheldon’s steadfast commitment to her own healing -- drumming out the fears that might limit her sons from living free and spirited lives -- is where racing for Sebastian and Oliver became possible. But thoughts of Dan are never far away. This isn’t the type of wound that fully closes and disappears.

“I still struggle with the loss, for sure,” she says. “That's something that will always be attached to me. Dan's imprint is forever on me. And just knowing the impression that he had on people that didn't even know him very well, or just knew them as a race car driver, it’s no different for them. But it runs a bit deeper for me and the boys.

“We're doing well and I can just hope that they continue to thrive and we can enjoy this journey that they're on. I really do want to enjoy it and be able to look back and think wow, that was really a special time.”

Wheldon maintains a mostly private life. Even so, her bonds with the IndyCar community have remained strong over the last decade. There’s no chance that will change. She and the boys are ours.

“I love that so much,” she adds. “We're so grateful and just feel so blessed to have everybody, and we felt it. I want you guys to know we've felt everybody's arms wrapped around us, especially these last 10 years.”